Tuesday, February 23, 2016

My cancer wasn't meaningless

     "Not only is all your afflictions momentary, not only was all your afflictions light in comparison to eternity and the glory there, but all of it is totally meaningful!!! Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or from fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that. It doesn't matter if it was cancer or criticism. It doesn't matter if it was sickness or slander. IT WASN'T MEANINGLESS!! It's doing something, its not meaningless.
     Of course you can't see what He is doing, so don't look at what is seen. [focus on what is unseen] If your mom dies, if your child dies, if you get cancer at [21], if a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don't say 'it's meaningless,' IT"S NOT!! It's working for you an eternal weight of glory.
     Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart, but take these truths, and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for." - John Piper

     When I heard John Piper say that, it hit me hard. My journey in life has not been meaningless. There is a meaning to the hurt, there is a meaning to the pain, even if I can't see it right now, even if I will never know the reason in this life time. Yes, it sucks. Yes, sometimes I want to give up, but I know those promises I tell myself every morning holds so much power. There are days where I just have "bad cancer days" and the only thing that I find comfort in is grabbing my bible and reading His promises over my life. His promises for me are yes and amen, and everything He does for me is for my good. Even cancer is for my good. Cancer was not meaningless.

     It's crazy how God can use my cancer in little ways now. I got sent on an EMS call last week for a 'guy with a fever', and not going to lie, when I first got the call I was slightly upset that I was being sent to the middle of nowhere for someone with a fever, but when I got there my heart changed. I walked into the living room to find a middle age guy fighting Acute Myeloid Leukemia, and as I know a little too well, a fever will send you to the ER quite quickly. So he was obviously upset over the fact that he had to go to the ER again, and I was able to sit there and empathize with him. I shared my story and he put his hand on my shoulder and said thank you. He thanked me for talking to him, and understanding what he was going through. Then he told me to keep fighting and living life. It's little things like that which makes me realize that even if it's just helping someone get through the ER visit, or talking someone through their first chemotherapy treatment. My journey was not meaningless.

     My journey isn't over yet though! I know God is preparing me for something. I'm not sure what it is, but He is definitely not done with me yet. He is still letting me walk through pain and hurt. Maybe the reason is that the Lord wanted my faith to grow in ways I can't even imagine, maybe it was so I could relate and empathize with my patients. Regardless of what the reason is. My cancer was not meaningless. God will use it for good, he already has.  

1 comment:

  1. Jackie ... My throat cancer last year taught me that we tend to 'clutter' our lives with meaningless things .. and, it's that clutter that blinds us to the value of the treasures we already hold -friends, family, faith, live itself .. but, from that experience I was able to shed a lot of that clutter & have a clearer vision of the future .. as well as a better understanding of why we clutter our lives with meaningless things .. You are in my prayers .. Mark Schaefer [Leroy Community Chapel] ..